Books have always played an important role in my life. As a child, I always had my nose in a book, mostly as a means of escape. As an adult, I read in order to learn more about myself and others. Throughout the years, I have referenced a number of books on this blog that greatly impacted me.
Admittedly, I have read very few books in the past five years. I also have written very few blog posts. However, in an attempt to remedy the latter, I thought I would share my top five thought-provoking and life-changing non-fiction must-reads:
5. Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge
Every girl longs to be romanced, to play an irreplacable role in a great adventure, and for a beauty to unveil. These desires of a woman's heart are clues to who we really are and the roles were meant for. The way we see ourselves now was shaped early in life. Every girl longs to be lovely; her worst fear is abandonment. When her beauty is marred through wounding, she either becomes dominating (by manipulation and control), desolate, or both. The question of her loveliness is answered primarily by her father. From him we learn that we are delighted in, that we are special, or that we are not. Every one of us is wounded, but "the only thing more tragic than the things that happened to us, is what we have done with them." Shame makes us believe we don't measure up, so we hide our truest selves. Ignoring our wounds will never bring healing.
When I first read this book back in 2010, it was so beyond anything I'd ever heard before. Concepts like "childhood wounds" and "feminine heart" were certainly not in my vocabulary. Over the next several years, I ended up re-reading this book a few times, making extensive notes. I even facilitated a small group study focussed on it. The questions it raised and the thoughts that it provoked are what I attribute to beginning my healing journey.
4. Love & War by John & Stasi Eldredge
Marriage is hard. But beneath the surface, the real battle is against the work of the Enemy who schemes to tear love apart. In this book, the authors use real-life examples from their own marriage to illustrate how to fight for each other, instead of against each other in marriage. Every woman wants relationship, intimacy, and to be known and loved. Her deepest fear is abandonment. Every man wants affirmation and his deepest fear is failure. Each person's own woundings create the perfect storm within a relationship. God, therefore, uses marriage to get to the issues in your life He wants to address. There is no greater place for damage because there is no greater place for glory than in marriage.
This book was, and still is, an excellent reminder of how Satan seeks to kill and destroy the earthly picture of Christ's relationship with the Church. His strategy of "divide and conquer" is something we had to fight against every day, especially as we were in the midst of major home renovations for the first six years of our marriage. As we watch the marriages of so many of our peers fall apart around us, we know that the battle is real.
3. In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Building on principles developed during her long career as a therapist, no-nonsense Dr. Laura provides a wealth of advice and encouragement to women who know in their hearts that staying home to raise their children is the right choice for the whole family. She outlines the benefits for both your children and marriage, showing through research and her own personal experience, how your current sacrifices will make for lasting bonds and a stronger family.
I read this book six months before getting pregnant with my first. Having been raised by a stay-at-home-mom myself, I assumed I’d likely be doing the same thing, yet I felt fairly ambivalent about it. This book challenged, convicted, and convinced me (from a psychological, non-religious standpoint) that every mom should be available to her children, especially during the formative years.
2. How We Love by Milan & Kay Yerkovich
The ways you and your spouse relate to each other go back to before you even met. Based on attachment theory, this book explores how your childhood created an “intimacy imprint” that affects your marriage today. It outlines 4 basic relational styles (avoider, vacillator, pleaser, controller) and how the combinations play out in a marriage relationship. In the follow-up book, “How We Love Our Kids,” the authors explore how the four styles play out in your role as a parent. Both books contain numerous checklists, diagrams, and real-life examples as illustrations.
As a classic avoider, this book was truly eye-opening for me. Being raised in a traditional Dutch family where big feelings were most often frowned upon, if not suppressed, I am still in the process of learning to a) identify my feelings, b) express them in healthy ways without fear of rejection and c) having safe people where I can go to for comfort and validation. What's crazy is that my four-year-old and I are in this learning process together.
1. The Power of a Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander
This book, along with Lori's daily blog posts completely changed my views on what Biblical womanhood looks like. Following a scripture-based model of marriage and family, I slowly learned exactly what the Bible teaches. I mourn the fact that these truths were completely ignored in all my experiences in Christian education, Christian counselling, Christian pre-marital counselling, Christian mom blogs, church services, and women's small groups. The more I study scripture, the more I am encouraged to embrace my role of stay-at-home wife and mom.
What books have most shaped and influenced your life? I'd love to know! Leave a comment below listing your favourites.
**The views and opinions in this post are completely my own,
and I have not been compensated in any way for publishing this post.**
No comments:
Post a Comment