garage renovation - part 1

**********************

"...Mama cut out pictures of houses for years

from 'Better Homes and Garden' magazine.

Plans were drawn and concrete poured,

and nail by nail and board by board,

Daddy gave life to Mama's dream..."

(Miranda Lambert, "The House That Built Me")

*********************

Our garage addition all started with a dream several years ago, back before we even got married.

my initial little sketch on a piece of scrap paper

After completing the interior of our house last fall, we decided it was time to move on to the back shed and the exterior of the house. We wanted to take this:

and turn it into this:

After meeting with five different contractors, (some of whom were less impressive than others), we went with Mr. Gryce's gut, (and my uncle's recommendation), and hired Schaly Design/Build, Inc. on the spot.  After our share of contractor troubles in the past, this turned out to be a great choice that we did not regret!

Instead hiring a designer to draw up official blueprints for us to even get an estimate, Walt drew them up for us himself, saving us roughly $1200 from the get-go. 

upstairs loft

downstairs garage

Once we approved the plans, we were all set to go. We applied for our building permit and put Dan to work stripping off the old siding from the wood shed:

Because all our electricity came via an overhead wire running across the ceiling of the wood shed, our next step was to get Walt to start digging a trench for the new hydro line.

On Walt's recommendation, we hired GRT Electric to come switch us over to the new underground wire.

With the new line in place, we were ready for demolition day!

And just like that, our old woodshed was gone!

The next step was to dig the footings and pour the concrete.

After passing inspection, we could start building the block foundation....

...flatten out the dirt for the garage floor....

...and get some grading done around our garden at the same time! (why not??)

Next came a load of gravel....

...and the concrete.

Finally, it was time to start framing. 

Our garage took shape within just a few days.

Now that the frame is up and the roof is on, stay tuned for the rest of the story, coming soon in part 2 of this post.

(Part 2)

king of the yard

As many of you know, our yard has been a bit of a construction zone for the past couple of months. Well, there's a new supervisor on the job site....

It appears Charlie has made himself quite at home around the heavy equipment!

it must be that time of year...

Tax time makes everyone a little crazy--the cat is clearly no exception! :o

a heart abandoned - part two

This is a follow-up to part one which was posted well over a year ago. While I have grieved and written about the loss of some specific best friends, this is about the whole community of friends that I've lost. 

Back in my early and mid-20's, I was part of a close-knit group of five other girls. Beyond that, I had a large circle of friends and an even larger circle of acquaintances.  Unlike my university friends, all these people belonged to my local community, and/or church. We saw each other weekly--or more. We were young, (mostly) single, and connected. We did small groups. We did bonfires. We called, facebooked, and texted. We worshiped, ate, sang, bowled, and partied together. At the time, I was confident that these would be the people I'd continue to grow alongside with throughout my 20's, 30's and beyond. It wouldn't matter that we'd get married, renovate houses, have babies and raise families.

But oh, how things change! 

Fast-forward a few years... Aside from one individual, not a single person from the aforementioned group is currently a significant part of my life. 

Oh, yes, I still talk to a few of them several times a year. A few I might see while at the grocery store or running errands around town. A few have school-age children who I've supply-taught. And then of course there's also a few who have de-friend-ed or blocked me on facebook.

Turns out, a lot of those friends and acquaintances really weren't such great friends after all. 

Who was there for us after we were newly married and could have benefited from mentoring? How about when we wrestled with our church issues?  Or when I quit going to church altogether? Who (besides Dan and Adam) from that community was there for us when we needed help with the house? Who chose to help walk me through some of my deepest shame and pain? No one from the group, that's for sure. 

Tracy Lawrence says it best, when he sings:

Run your car off the side of the road

Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere

Or get yourself in a bind, 

Lose the shirt off your back,

Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare...

This is where the rubber meets the road

This is where the cream is gonna rise

This is what you really didn't know

This is where the truth don't lie

You find out who your friends are

Somebody's gonna drop everything

Run out and crank up their car

Hit the gas, get there fast

Never stop to think 

"What's in it for me?" 

Or "It's way too far" 

They just show on up

With their big ol' heart

You find out who your friends are...

Everybody wants to slap your back

Wants to shake your hand 

When you're up on top of that mountain

But let one of those rocks give way

Then you slide back down

Look up and see who's around then

This ain't where the road comes to an end

This ain't where the bandwagon stops

This is just one of those times when

A lot of folks jump off.

You find out who your friends are...

When the water's high

When the weather's not so fair

When the well runs dry

Who's gonna be there?

You find out who your friends are

Somebody's gonna drop everything

Run out and crank up their car

Hit the gas, get there fast

Never stop to think

"What's in it for me?"

Or "It's way too far" 

They just show on up

With their big ol' heart

You find out who your friends are...

Real friends don't stop being your friend just because they don't like who you decide to marry, what you choose to believe, or where you attend (or don't attend) church. Real friends don't stop being your friend because life gets too hectic or messy. 

Truth be told, I don't miss many of my former "friends." Oh, I miss having places to go, and things to do every weekend, and I miss being around people my own age.  I miss the sense of community and feeling like there's a bunch of people who have my back. However, when it comes right down to it, I'd rather have one or two authentic friends than a whole host of shallow friendships. 

So, while I am sadly lacking in meaningful friendships,  I am profoundly grateful for two local ladies in particular who have stuck it out with me. One has been my friend since fourth grade. We've had our ups and downs; there have been years where we were extremely close, and years where we've barely spoken. Through it all, we've always still considered each other as friends, and no matter what, we're able to keep coming back and picking up right where we left off. This year, we've resolved to meeting for dinner once a month or so.  The other I didn't meet until later in my 20's but we have managed to stay part of each other's lives, regardless of where we find ourselves. Everyone needs "a person."  I have two.

defining narcissism

We've heard the term before. Chances are, we've all met one. Some of you have been married to one. Many of us have been hurt by one. But what exactly is a Narcissist?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a psychological disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual (DSM) that is characterized by:

-arrogance, grandiosity, & self-importance

-a preoccupation with fantasies of success and power

-a conviction that one is special or unique

-a desire to receive the admiration of others

-a sense of entitlement

-interpersonally exploitive behaviour

-an inability to empathize with the needs and feelings of other people

-envy

(Spencer, Garcia-Simpson, & Mewland, 2007)                                                                                 

So what does that look like in real life? 

Relationships for the narcissist are about what people can do for them.

In romance someone with NPD values outwardly attractive people more than those who can 

offer a true intimate relationship. In fact, they often view intimacy as a threat. Research

indicates that narcissists report lower levels of empathy, intimacy, caring, commitment,

and selflessness.  Narcissists look for mates with high social status, good looks, or success. 

They do not normally stay in a relationship beyond the point at which they benefit. 

In a society where take-charge personalities are respected and revered, the charm and 

seduction of the narcissist will be irresistible to almost everyone. It is a misconception that

only those with low self esteem date someone who is self-centered.

She is often beautiful and if not, she carries herself as though she were.  She flaunts her 

assets and is convinced that she is worth every dollar you spend on her. The reward of her

pleasure is more than enough to keep you engaged. A narcissist needs to be the center of

attention- the prettiest, the most fortunate, the best.

She/he is very focused on material possessions – house, car, clothes, jewelry.

She/he is jealous of anyone who has more, does more and gets more.

She/he can become demanding, unpredictable, mean and cruel.

Their home and children need to be the best

Her spouse, job, career, and income must meet her needs or she is unhappy.

She/he is not opposed to lying or misrepresenting the truth.

She/he surrounds self with those who will be manipulated into admiring and loving them.

Like her male counterpart, the narcissistic woman can be just as abusive.  

She can be prone to  histrionics, but she can also be very controlled – showing only the her 

best to the public, and  keeping the worst side of herself for those closest to her.  She reacts 

badly to loss, and will go to great lengths to protect what is hers.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a very real disorder. And unfortunately,
personality is generally difficult to change.  The added difficulty with changing Narcissism is 
that people who are narcissistic often don't want to change. In those cases, changing another
person is very, very difficult. Approximately 6.2% of the population suffers from lifetime 
NPD, with 7.7% of them being men, and 4.8% being women.

***I first wrote about NPD in a previous post called "When Love is Not Enough." 

To date, it has been my all-time most-read post.***

reflections on 2014

2014

10 Highlights, Accomplishments, Best Memories:
1. Niagara Falls trip with Mr. Gryce
2. Watching my brother cut, rake and bale his first crop of hay
3. Tons of tutoring work
4. Summer walks with Mr. Gryce
5. Time spent with Kristin and Tanya
6. Hosting our first family dinner since we got married
7. Seeing my niece 3 evenings a week
8. Seeing Mr. Gryce and my brother continue to bond
9. Finishing the downstairs renos
10. Being happily married after all these years of renovations

10 Disappointments, Failures, Missed Opportunities:
1. Not exercising like I wanted to
2. Working with our contractor(s)
3. Not getting the job I wanted
4. Going over-budget on our renos
5. Not selling as much online as I hoped
6. Watching someone close to me get taken advantage of
7. Not being able to continue with counselling due to my crazy work schedule
8. Still not having a plan confirmed for next year's renovation project
9. Drifting apart from longtime friends
10. Not feeling connected at church

8 Things I've Learned
1. Take time to take care of yourself--physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Take a nap, go out for dinner, have a phone date, go to counselling, join a small group, go to church.
2. Contractors are a dime a dozen but it's really hard to find a good one. Do your homework and don't settle for a half-ass job. Don't sign the check until you're not completely satisfied.
3. Never underestimate the power of social media. Can't get a big company or business to listen to you or take you seriously? Take it to Facebook! 
4. Don't underestimate the importance of family. Proud of how my family has rallied and taken care of each other this year. Nobody messes with my family and gets away with it.
5.  There are some perfectly rotten kids out there that make a teacher's life hell.
6. There are some really amazing kids (and a hefty paycheck) that can make it worth it.
7.  Narcissists are dangerous; they will manipulate you, stab you in the back, and suck you dry. In the end, they will destroy you if you let them. Stay away from them at all costs.
8.  I love Mr. Gryce more every day. We're almost 5 years into this relationship, and I can't imagine my life without him.

3 Things I Focused On:
1. Family
2. Finishing the inside of the house
3. Building my tutoring business

3 Things Forgotten or Not Gotten Around to:
1. Eating better and exercising more
2. Writing/blogging more
3. Keeping the house clean

Reflection:
Thanks for stopping by...I'm thrilled to have blog readers representing 10 different countries--that's 8 more than I've traveled to! It's been a busy year for us and we're glad to be able to share it with you all. Wishing you and yours an awesome 2015! The best is yet to come.

christmas greetings 2014

Dear Friends and Family and Blog Readers,

It’s hard to believe, but it’s that time of year again! Where does the time go?! It’s been another eventful year in our household, filled with renovations, renovations, and more renovations! We are finally enjoying some “down time” as the winter season approaches. Here’s a look at our year:

This past spring, we finished renovating our downstairs bathroom, and then launched into a full-scale renovation of the kitchen and living room. We set up our living quarters in the partially-renovated downstairs office where we worked, lived, and cooked for nearly 4 months! During this time, we had no floor in the kitchen or living room, which meant no way to get to the upstairs; we resorted to climbing in and out of the upstairs window for over a week! Once the new floor went in, we were still climbing ladders for several more months before the new staircase was built. We are thankful that this stressful time is finally over, and that we can finally enjoy the fruit of our labours. Aside from a few minor details (and some new furniture), we are happy to say that the entire interior of our house has now been fully renovated!!!

Mr. Gryce is still working as a Senior Software Developer. Last month, he started his 5^th year with the company.  In addition to updating all the plumbing downstairs, Mr. Gryce spent many hours installing all new electrical wiring, outlets, and light fixtures downstairs. He’s proven to be quite the handyman! Mr. Gryce attended the annual Promise Keeper’s men’s conference in Toronto this fall. He continues to meet with Mrs. Gryce’s brother for their Friday night men’s group. In the New Year, he hopes to get involved with the men’s group at our church as well.

Mrs. Gryce continues to work as an emergency supply teacher with the local public school board. She has been working 2-4 days per week, in addition to tutoring 8 different students in the evenings.  She tutored from home all summer (or rather, from her mom’s home, due to our renovations). Mrs. Gryce enjoys visiting thrift stores and still sells all sorts of items online, including her homemade jam and preserves.

This past April, we attended Jon & Veronica’s wedding in Hamilton and had the opportunity for a short visit with several of Mrs. Gryce’s university friends as well. In August, we celebrated our 3^rd wedding anniversary. We spent a weekend in Niagara Falls (first time for both of us), with our friends Jon & Mel.  It was great to get away from renovations and see the sights, as well as spend some quality time with great friends.

We are currently part of a small group that meets on Thursday nights at our church. It’s been a great opportunity to learn as well as meet new people and get more connected with our church family.

We wish you all a very Merry Christmas, and many blessings for 2015.

Love, Mr & Mrs Gryce

(To read last year's greeting, go here.)

living room renovations - part 2

And the long-awaited part two! (Please read part one first.) Here's where we left off:

The new floor had just been put in, and then renovations ground to a halt when we experienced a 3+ week delay due to building permits and inspections. It was extremely stressful, but the building inspector that we worked with was very accommodating and each inspection went off without a hitch. 

Without further ado, here's a look at the final leg of the journey from August onward:

extra ceiling joists

new window header (the old one had to be removed because it was warped and could crack our window)

framed walls

insulation

first pine going up

the new long-awaited staircase

lighting installation

the central light

and potlights

wood stove surround

new railing

post was designed to look similar to the original

custom blinds

carpeting

custom closet doors built by our talented neighbour

and the new coffee table that we designed (also built by our neighbour)

In my opinion, the photos below don't do the finished product any justice; however, here's the new living room, designed by my amazing hubby (with thanks to Uncle Glenn who originally did this in his own home 20 years ago):

South-east wall

Staircase

with a nook above--perfect for collectables!

west wall

north wall with pocket door and built-in book shelves (also built by our neighbour)

south wall

The bullet casings on the blind strings-just one of the unique features

And then there's a gun vault...

...with bull skull...

And let's not forget the long-awaited deer head!

And last, but certainly not least...the custom TV stand built by our neighbour.

We've certainly come a long way, but the end result is totally worth it!

when love is not enough

Once upon a time, I wrote a post about the power of love in relationships, which was all well and good. Love is extremely powerful. It can do wonders for body, mind and soul. The Bible says that love can cover over a multitude of wrongs. Yet, while love can completely transform someone and make them blossom and bloom, what do you do with that one person for whom all the love in the world isn't ever going to be enough?

The Bible tells us that with God, all things are possible. But I also know there are people who are never, ever going to change. They are so messed up, so irreparably damaged, that barring a miracle from God Himself, they will never be healthy enough to do a real relationship. You can love on them 24/7, but it will never, ever be enough. 

People who are this broken believe that the world revolves around them, and they desire to keep the focus on themselves at all times. They are arrogant, manipulative, and unable to empathize with others. They are extremely insecure and are compelled by their constant need for constant admiration. In their quest for protecting their fragile egos at all costs, they end up pushing away the very ones who can help them. By constantly demanding more than anyone could ever give, they will suck others dry--spiritually, emotionally, financially--all the while oblivious to the carnage they leave behind. 

In my lifetime, I have met several of these people. At first glance, they seem fairly normal; however, if by chance you happen to read people very well and are able to see through their facade, they will do everything in their power to make you look like the crazy one. They will gossip and spread lies about you, and basically do everything in their power to assassinate your character and destroy your credibility at all costs. And for a time, most people without discernment will absolutely believe them and take their side.

But give it enough time, don't meet all their needs (good luck trying!), and eventually, all hell will break loose. The true condition of their broken, hurting hearts will be revealed. All the ugliness and poison will be unleashed, and most of the people around them won't know what hit them. 

At this point, several things can happen. First, they will try to find another broken person to enable their bad choices and destructive behaviour. If they cannot find anyone, they may high-tail it out of town and start all over again in another place where no one knows them, and thus, the cycle will begin again. In both cases, nothing will ever change because there will always be someone around to validate their victim-playing mentality.

It's a terrible predicament. The people they most want to surround themselves with, are the very people that will destroy their chances of finding healing and engaging in meaningful relationship. And the people they most fear, are the ones who would most be able to help. By demanding attention and validation, they push away the ones who actually do care for them. By demanding love, they lose all chance of ever having the real thing. 

The only way to stop the cycle is for these people to face one of their greatest fears and to be completely and utterly alone. Not in the sense that we write them off as hopeless and stop believing that God has the power to intervene. We never stop praying for that! But we do set firm boundaries to protect our hearts, our reputations, our families (and yes, even our finances!) because these individuals are not safe. We don't stay friends with them. We don't stay married to them. We don't engage in relationship with them because we cannot trust them. 

This may seem overly harsh. This may seem cruel. But it's the only way. Unless they can recognize and acknowledge the severity of their condition, there will be no room for healing and growth. Until they recognize how broken they are, they can never start the journey of becoming whole. It will be incredibly difficult, uncomfortable, and painful. It will not be pretty. Things may get much, much worse before they seem to get any better. It will take years. A lifetime of unhealthy coping mechanisms cannot be unlearned overnight. Poor choices cannot be undone. Consequences to actions will not magically disappear. Not all relationships will be repaired. But until they examine and acknowledge the root of their brokenness, they can never grow into the healthy individual they were intended to be.

For many severely broken people, the journey will be too hard. They will quit and go back to their old, familiar, more comfortable ways. But we serve a big God. And where there is God, there is hope. There is forgiveness. There is healing. I will never stop believing that He has the power to change someone, no matter how far gone they may be. But I also recognize that it is only His love that has the power to transform such broken lives. My love alone is not enough.

****This post has been swirling in my head for several months. Now that I have finally been able to get it down, I am indebted to both my discerning hubby as well as my wise pastor, who have both taught me so much about the human heart and it's need for healing and redemption.****