Mom was born Gooitske Hendrika Schilstra on March 10, 1948. She was named after her maternal grandmother, but was called “Gonnie” for short.
In October 1954, at the age of 6, Mom, older sister Sadie, and their parents, left Holland on the Groote Beer (Big Bear) and sailed for America. Mom’s name was changed to Gertrude Harriet Schilstra, but everyone called her “Connie.” The family stayed for three weeks in Clifton, New Jersey, with their relatives the Coopers. They then moved to Wyckoff, New Jersey and lived with Uncle Andy and Aunt Trina Schilstra, who were their sponsors. In April 1955, the family rented their first home on Cottage Street in Midland Park, New Jersey before purchasing their home at 203 Hill Street on September 1, 1956.
Mom loved attending school in America! Her first grade teacher was so different from her stern kindergarten teacher back in Holland. Mom learned to speak and read English in Miss Petzinger’s first grade class. It was here she met her lifelong friends Karen Holmes and Kathy Van DeWeert, both of whom she faithfully kept in contact with up until very recently. After graduating from Eastern Christian High School, she attended Calvin College where she and Sadie both graduated in May of 1970.
Mom moved to California where she taught grade 5 and 6 at Alameda Christian School for one year. After this, she was employed by the Bank of America in Oakland, California for 6 years as a bank teller. She worked first at Grand Lake and then at the Kaiser Center branch, where she also became a signing officer in charge of monthly audits. In September 1977, she returned to New Jersey where she worked for the Urban National Bank in Wyckoff as a teller.
Eventually, Mom felt a calling to become a nurse and decided to continue her education. She received one semester of transfer credits from her Calvin College arts degree, and also took a summer course. In 1982, she graduated from William Patterson College with a nursing degree —, 2nd (or 3rd?) highest out of her class of 120!
While Mom was attending nursing school, her older sister Sadie married Jim Bakker and moved to Canada. While visiting Jim and Sadie in May of 1980, Jim introduced Mom to Hessel Dykstra, in the church parking lot. Mom thought he was an alcoholic because of his red nose and cheeks (sunburned from tractor work!) and Hessel, who was already 45 years old at the time, thought she was much too young for him! Enter Jim’s cousin, Harold Pruiksma. Harold knew Hessel from Holland because he had worked in the butcher shop in Hessell's hometown. Harold also knew Mom’s family because they attended church together in New Jersey. Harold's wife had been the one to set up Sadie and Jim. Now it was Harold's turn to play matchmaker!
Harold told Hessel that next time Mom came to Canada to visit Sadie, that he would have to call her up and take her out on a date! Then he told Mom to say yes when he did call. When Mom asked how old Hessel was, Harold said, “Oh, he’s about 40.” Although both felt awkward about the whole situation, Hessel did indeed call, and Mom obliged.
And so it was that Hessel rushed in from milking in the barn that Saturday night to take a bath in the pink tub upstairs and get ready for his first date at the age of 45! When the family asked what his hurry was, he replied in Frisian, "Ik gean nie myn fam!" ("I'm going to [see] my girl!") My grandparents nearly fell off their chairs in surprise!
That first date must have gone well because they started writing letters to each other every week after that. Hessel proposed quite soon after, but Mom said that was too fast, and she barely knew him. He retorted, "Well, I'm not going to ask again!" So, at Christmas of 1981, Mom proposed to him. They married on August 20, 1982, and were blessed with three children: Donna, Andrew, and Daniel.
Thus began the start of Mom’s new adventure as a dairy farmer's wife. She eagerly learned everything she could about farm life, taking a keen interest in weather patterns, production statistics, cattle naming and herd classification. She tirelessly blanched the mountains of fresh veggies Dad brought in from the garden every summer and then peeled and canned Dad's prized pears every fall.
Mom baked and cooked everything from scratch. When it was her turn to host an event, she would pull out all the stops for the guests. Out came the fancy set of dishes and cutlery. Roast beef or turkey, potatoes and gravy, 3 kinds of vegetables (one of course was always corn, just for us kids), applesauce, cranberry sauce, and of course, always dessert! How she pulled it all off without a microwave or dishwasher after being at church all morning still baffles me to this day. Mom also loved to bake, and would often share her baking with people in need, or just to let them know she was thinking of them. As a child, no Bakker-Dykstra birthday party with the cousins was complete without one of her rectangle chocolate frosted cakes and a bag of chocolate chip or “Jan Hagel” cookies.
Mom loved music. If she wasn’t listening to classical music on the radio, she was humming or singing hymns while washing dishes, peeling potatoes, or - much to Dad’s chagrin - while she was supposed to be eating dinner! Mom was also a bit of a poet, and was known in our family for her comical limericks for just about everyone, whether it was about someone from church, the farmer down the road, or her financial advisor!
Although she grew up in town, Mom enjoyed farm life, and she loved living in Canada. After nearly 26 years of being a permanent resident, she was proud to become a Canadian Citizen. Mom always did enjoy seeing new places, and spent time travelling around Canada, the United States, and even Europe. After us kids were grown, she and Dad were even able to vacation in Florida several times before Dad’s illness. After his passing, she and sister Sadie travelled to the Adirondaks in New York, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, and even back to their old stomping grounds in New Jersey.
Always a diligent student, Mom loved to learn. French, history, politics, music, sociology, psychology, American literature, history, geography, you name it, she had a book about it! She saved all her school textbooks, and frequently came home with books she “rescued” from the discard table at the library. It didn’t matter that we never actually saw her read a single volume from her vast collection in 40 years, she never threw a single one away. In fact, Mom rarely threw anything out. Brought up in the post-war mentality, she was the epitome of frugality, always “stocking up” or saving things for a rainy day. Growing up, our family vacations consisted of trips to Sandbanks beach. While the rest of us enjoyed the sand and water, Mom sat in her lounge chair mending our broken socks. Although it was the bane of our existence, we always knew where to go if we needed scraps of yarn or old buttons for a craft, yogurt containers for storing and freezing our leftovers, a particular-sized flower pot, or yes, even a cup of sugar!
Mom was proud of her Friesian heritage and could be incredibly stubborn. The old adege of “wooden head, wooden shoes, wouldn’t listen” certainly rang true in many cases. She needed almost nothing to be happy, yet everything needed to be “just so” – on her terms. Mom was very independent and didn’t like people making a fuss over her. She would specifically tell Andrew not to wash the dinner dishes because he had been on his feet all day, working, while completely ignoring the fact that she was the one with open ulcers on her feet. "I can do the dishes sitting down," she’d say.
Despite her many peculiarities and eccentricities – and believe me, there were many! – she will be most remembered by her selflessness, generosity and faith. Although she was unbelievably thrifty, Mom never missed an occasion to send a card, always with a scripture verse, and quite often with a generous cheque enclosed!
Mom made her public Profession of Faith on New Year’s Eve, 1967 in the Midland Park Christian Reformed Church. Throughout her life, she had a heart for sharing the gospel, both local and abroad. She was a faithful supporter of Christian education, in addition to many other “kingdom causes,” as she liked to call them. Mom was not shy about sharing her own personal faith with anyone she happened to meet, whether it was the store manager of the local grocery store she frequented, or the Jehovah’s Witnesses who often came calling. Mom was a diligent student of the Word, always interested in learning something more about the Lord. She was a prayer warrior for both her immediate and extended family, as well as her church family.
Mom and Dad shared twenty seven years of marriage before Dad passed away in 2010. Mom talked about him often, and remarked how much she “surely missed him.”
Mom loved being a Beppe. She adored her three grandchildren, Evy, Olivia, and Walter, and loved how they all lived so close-by. Weekly suppers with Dan and Evy were always the highlight of her week. After losing her driver’s licence and having to be chauffered to her appointments by myself and Olivia, she would always proudly say, “Look! Three generations of daughters!”
Throughout most of her life, Mom’s medical history was full of contradictions. She was a teetotaler but had a history of liver problems. She had many of the physical problems you would expect to find in a 300 pound diabetic, yet her blood sugar was normal, and she had low cholesterol and low blood pressure.
As her mobility declined, Mom was especially grateful for Andrew living at home, and all the work he did around the house and yard. After suffering three strokes in 2015 and a number of mini-strokes thereafter, Mom was diagnosed with dementia in December of last year. This past May, she spent 16 days in the hospital after fracturing a bone in her back. She moved to the assisted living floor of Quinte Gardens retirement residence, which was a difficult adjustment for her. Her mind continued to deteriorate and even when she could no longer remember where home was, she constantly asked when she could leave to go home. After a stay in the Picton Hospital, her Lord and Saviour finally took her to her eternal home on the afternoon of Sept 25.
“Only one life, ‘twill soon be past. Only what’s done for Christ will last.” Till we meet again, Mom.
